Wednesday, August 20, 2014

SERIOUSLY, SKIP IT: Maybelline Master Duo 2in1 Glossy Liquid Liner

If I could try every eyeliner in the world and compile a list of the shittiest eyeliners in the world, this would probably come in second. And I haven't even tried nearly all that exist.

The eyeliner in question is Maybelline's Eye Studio Master Duo 2-in-1 Glossy Liquid Liner. That's the kind of title that begs some editing and shortening. Why. Is there some word quota someone needed to fill.

Two. I bought TWO.

Anyway, this thing is called 2-in-1 because (supposedly) the tip is shaped like a pancake so you can use the thin (not actually thin) side to get vaguely thinner lines, and the fat side to get fatter lines. In theory it sounds good, but the tip of any regular liner can easily do the job of both and get you a precise point.

L-R: Fat side of Glossy Liner, 'thin' side, L'Oreal Lineur Intense Liquid Eyeliner tip.
That small variation in thinness makes a huge difference on your face. 

So, you're asking, why is this eyeliner so shitty? Well let me tell you, internet user. It's so shitty that I bought two to be sure I had something to write about. First off, this shit is literally dirtied, vaguely colored water in a neat container. Somewhere the whole Maybelline corporation is laughing evilly while googling their own product, knowing they successfully conned thousands of dollars out of curious customers. The bottle says 'shake well' probably as an excuse for being so shitty.

"But Mr. Maybelline, this is garbage."
"Obviously you didn't shake it enough."

I shook these for a good 10 minutes. My arm got tired, I made my boyfriend shake it. Still, I got some creek water-esque liquid on my eyeball. Gross.

Not only is this infused with an X-TRA DOSE OF WATER™, this eyeliner takes forever to dry and it still feels wet. You touch it and it feels like a big goop of school glue dried on your eye. They call it the 'glossy finish' but I feel like I've got tape on my eye. It pulls at my skin. I blink and I'm tempted to pull it off my face.

Here's the gorgeous, even-more-vibrant-in-person tags. The Teal is a lot more 'teal' in person, trust me. It's beautiful.

I've also got to address the misleading marketing. The fucking color. The one thing of the eyeliner you want to be awesome. I'd pay for a shitty, runny formula if the color I got was like a neon sharpie. The bottoms of my eyeliners show off an awesome, vibrant green and blue. I saw them in Walmart and thought, damn, I want that on my eyeball. It's also mildly annoying that the website doesn't state the size you're buying.

Even on the tip the teal was gray. The navy looks like it would be ok, but no. It's garbage.

L-R: Navy Gleam swatch without shaking, swatch after shaking, Glossy Teal swatch without shaking, swatch after shaking.
In person, these look even more gray.

Too bad what you get is sad and pathetic and kind of no excuse for such awfulness. The swatches look the same, whether you shake the bottle or not. You're telling me, Maybelline, no one stopped and said "hmm, the color is kinda gross and gray. Is this right?"

If the colors weren't advertised as being vibrant, I probably wouldn't mind the gray mess. Maybe someone wants a slate blue. If the formula was ok, that would be neat to have.

But they're advertised as bright, standout colors which is a clear indication someone fucked up somewhere.

Since I hate myself, I applied this eyeliner on my eyeballs and let it sit on my face for 12 hours. I sat at home all day, no sweating or anything. The blow picture too 5 fucking coats of eyeliner to get that color. A lot of it dripped into my eye, too. It burned.

Freshly applied. No mascara. See those clumps on the eyelashes? THAT'S EYELINER.

At the end of the day it looked faded and uneven. I never touch my eyes (you shouldn't either), so I rubbed it once to see what would happen.

See that little bit on the left? That's not a mole. That's eyeliner bits.

Haven't touched this side. Those faint bits are also eyeliner. Look how the color seemed to separate on my eye.

It basically peeled off just like a sticker. If you rub or touch your eyes throughout the day, you're going to have a disaster.

So overall, this eyeliner is garbage and you shouldn't even be looking at it in the drugstore. If you'd like to try a colorful eyeliner, try Revlon Colorstay Skinny Liner (~$8). It comes in a pretty blue and green and I've had much better luck than with this catastrophe.

Maybelline's Eye Studio Master Duo 2-in-1 Glossy Liquid Liner retails for $8 (more or less), for 0.05 fl oz of product ($160 per fluid ounce). That's not outrageous; in fact, most drugstore eyeliners are ~$8. You should still save your money, though. Even if it was free, it wouldn't be worth the gas you waste driving to the drugstore.

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